Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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