Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
