I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize