I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
