Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
