I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
