She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
So squirting runs in the family.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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