I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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