I look better un-naked...
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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