Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
