So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
