Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize