She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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