i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize