Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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