Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize