Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
