Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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