I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Just pee around me
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize