I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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