I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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