But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
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