im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
