You smell like stripper and shame
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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