We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
