i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
