Your face is a jimmy john
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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