He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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