I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize