I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
