the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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