wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
