I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
