sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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