Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
