You're my little dorito
I'm going to jail i love you
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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