I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
