oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
