hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
