Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
