Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
