the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
