Whats the glycemic index on semen?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
