His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize