Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
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