Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
