when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
