I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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