im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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