I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
