Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
