there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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