well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
