I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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