We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize