i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
