Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
