She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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