I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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