You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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