Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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