After last night, I could never be a politician.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I just want to make out with him forever
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Randomize
