Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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