she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
