it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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