Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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