...so i touched it.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
