Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
