you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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