I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
