The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
