if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
