the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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