That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
