I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
