Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
