You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
