you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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