so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
How's work?
Spinning.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
